Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
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