Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
