I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
