I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
