there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
