Having a random hookup so left but love u
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
420 ftw
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
