I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
