dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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