my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
