I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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