Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
