Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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