Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize