my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You pole danced in your parka.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
