what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
