Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His hands were made for my vagina.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize