My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
