I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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