how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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