Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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