Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
