he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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