I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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