party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
