You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
