Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize