Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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