when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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