one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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