it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
