my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i now understand why vodka
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
