90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am available for nakedness
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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