My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
