So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize