it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm like, not good at living.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
