So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
