I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
