Need sex. Gaining weight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
