Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
