I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
