I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
