You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
