Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think i got beer on your cat.
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