Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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