Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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