I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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