Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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