I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
