"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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