last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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