I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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