His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
