sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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