i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dicks are not precious.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
