That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
