This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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