Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize