Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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