my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
