I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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