The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
