ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
