I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
