I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
