Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize