its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
