I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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