I feel great
I just peed on a car
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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