Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
