Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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