its not stalking. its research.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
