I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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