It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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