I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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