You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
