he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
