i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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