She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
