i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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