Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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