first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
