So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
