I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
