Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
